[Carlisle nods at Qubit's explanation -- yes, he does know that feeling, even if he never knew the proper name for it. Between the dreams he had in life and the struggle he's had since his revival to even recognize who himself for who he used to be, he's sure Qubit is right with his hunch, however terrible that truth may be.
His eyes flick from Qubit to the glyph -- he'll save his additional thoughts on how dead he's been all along for a moment.]
Of course.
[He assumes this is some part of Qubit's observations, as he'd be keen to do something similar were he not the one whose energy had just been renewed. He barely gets a finger on the activation point for the glyph before it lights up, his gloves doing absolutely nothing at all to deter the transfer. His fingers curl back to his hand once the glyph finishes illuminating, the water steaming.]
I didn't even feel that. [Not that he ever feels anything, but his point stands.] It seems I have energy in abundance, for now.
[ Qubit seems less surprised by this result than Carlisle did, and he nods, pleased. ]
Good! That's good.
[ He picks up his tea and heads over to take a seat on the daybed. But literally the instant he sits down, a chime goes off in the lab, and he stands right back up. ]
[Carlisle remains seated on the daybed for a second longer, his eyes flicking from Qubit to his mug on the glyph and back before he gets to his feet, unsure if he should follow. Yes, he's here for the data, here to hear about the data and Qubit's findings, but he was looking forward to just sitting with Qubit for a bit, conversing and simply enjoying his company. In due time, he reminds himself. Qubit seemed optimistic about the data, so there's nothing to worry about, surely.
But Carlisle worries all the same. It's his natural state of being.]
Should I come in there? Or did you want to bring it in here? [Could he? Or was the data on one of those many screens in his lab?]
[ Qubit stops short and looks back, caught a bit off balance. ]
Oh, uh... either or. I can do either. It'd visualize better on the big screen, I think, but I can bring it in here if you'd rather.
[ Another facet of their relationship that's changed. Earlier, Qubit would have just chosen one or the other himself - maybe for a reason, maybe arbitrarily - and with nearly anyone else, he still would. But with Carlisle... ]
[Qubit is barely done speaking before Carlisle meanders back into the lab. Their dynamic has indeed changed; but a year ago, he'd have preferred to wait in the smaller space that serves as Qubit's private quarters, hiding from the copious amounts of technology littering the lab. Nowadays, he doesn't worry as much about the machinery, even actively trying to discern its purpose rather than fretting over its existence and proximity to him. The trust Carlisle has in Qubit to handle things in his lab — and to make sure nothing there would prove dangerous to him — bolsters his courage more than the clergyman has fully realized.
And so, he follows Qubit into the lab proper, bringing his mug with him. His eyes trail to the screen he passed on the way in.]
Let's hear it out here, then. What good news have you about what you found?
[ Qubit nods, getting the door for him. ] That's what we're about to find out.
[ He leads the way back out to the lab, tea in hand. The text on the big screen has changed slightly, and now reads: ]
Training complete.
Iteration 1500000 of 1500000
Proceed to review? Y / N
[ He hits Enter and the dialog vanishes, replaced by a solid grey void - but it's only featureless for a second before an assortment of 3D models start rendering in. Terrain, trees, rocks, clumps of grass, a teacup, and in the center of it all a single humanoid figure, seated on the ground, its knees pulled up to its chest - that's Carlisle, of course, and the rest is the grove, all as they appeared at t = 0. Qubit takes a moment to start in on his tea while it loads, but by the time the textures are popping in, he does get around to explaining this whole... whatever. ]
What you see here is a three-dimensional reconstruction of events over the last three days, as modeled by a rudimentary neural net framework I trained on composite sensor readings - [ he waves a hand ] - I'll spare you the technical details. [ the rest of them, anyway. ] The important part is, it'll allow us to review the footage from any angle.
[ He bends and swipes his fingers across a trackball on the desk, rotating the camera for a better view of the Carlisle model. It's not what you'd call "lifelike" (so to speak) - the mesh is a little smoother around the edges than the real thing, and the textures are a little off, creating an effect not unlike - you've seen L.A. Noire, right? It's like if Carlisle were digitized for L.A. Noire, that's about the flavor of uncanny valley we're looking at. Other than that, though, it's a faithful likeness. ]
[Carlisle accepts Qubit's abbreviated explanation, genuinely marveling at the model as it begins to form the environment. As the trees come into being, he thinks he recognizes their arrangement, then—
Oh, and there's his teacup. And him. Carlisle is not quite as warm on those models, but understands this image is a part of Qubit's observational methods. It's merely a record of what transpired put into visual form, like a painting... sort of. He assumes they'll be seeing the rest of what happened as well, reindire and all — that still leaves him distinctly uncomfortable. It likely always will.
As Qubit rotates the view around the model of Carlisle, the clergyman himself straightens his scarf.]
[Qubit's comment, however unintentional his flattery may have been, only makes Carlisle fidget more. He adjusts the scarf around his face as though it would help hide his reaction, only to belatedly remember that in his undead state, there's nothing to hide. Still, he does his best to bury that emotion, to hide it just as he hides himself beneath his clothes.]
That your technology could produce such, er... lifelike depictions is still beyond me. Lifelike to the point of discomfort.
[Yes, that was him just an hour or sodays ago, curled into a ball as he tried to keep himself together, utterly terrified his abilities would lash out at Qubit at any moment. One wrong move, and his friend would be dead... and then a moment longer, likely undead. He steels himself with a breath, wondering if stewing over how Qubit's remark made him feel was preferable to his renewed anxiety. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to stifle that feeling so quickly.]
Marvelous as this is, I think I'd prefer to be past this part, if you don't mind.
[ Qubit notices Carlisle awkwardly fiddling with his clothes, and that makes him start to feel awkward, too. Was it something he said? Or - no, no, it's just Carlisle's usual discomfort with technology, of course. Nothing else going on here!! ]
[ He clears his throat - ] Right, of course. We'll, uh, start with a quick overview. [ - and, quickly technomancing up something like a presentation remote, presses "play." ]
[ The first few seconds play back at actual speed. Carlisle's digital doppelganger arranges his effects, says his prayer, though without audio you can only tell he's speaking by the subtle shifting of his mask. Then he activates his knockout tea and crumples to the ground, insensible. Dead to the world, to coin a phrase.
From here, it'll be new information for him. Qubit offers some commentary for this part, pointing out the boundary of the "kill zone" once or twice. ]
There's the initial burst. You can see, almost twenty-five percent of the total area went just in these first six seconds... after which there's a sharp dropoff. From that point, this zone expanded more or less logarithmically. That is, the rate gradually decreased over time, approaching zero...
[ And indeed, the circle's spread has slowed to a crawl - still perceptible, but only just. With the initial excitement over, the scene becomes one of eerie stillness, so much that it could almost be a static image. Qubit, having seen this once already, decides he'd also prefer to be past it. ]
... Let's speed this along, why don't we.
[ He clicks the remote again, and the recording accelerates into timelapse, condensing the full three days of footage down to roughly three minutes. Qubit rests a hand on his chin as he watches, keeping quiet except to point out the reindire when it wanders into the scene. Other than that, not much happens; the circle grows, the lights dim and brighten, and Carlisle does not move. The recording ends with about a ten-second flurry of activity - Carlisle jolts and stands, Qubit enters the frame, they leave together, a second later the reindire follows them.
Aaaand that's it. The recording stops, leaving them with a still image of the aftermath: a near-perfect circle of blackened foliage close to a hundred feet across, plus a distinct biological stain where the reindire lay. Qubit waits a moment, pondering, before turning his head to gauge Carlisle's reaction. ]
Thoughts? [ He has a few of his own, naturally, but... ]
[Carlisle stares at the display in silence while Qubit points out the various events as they occur. Having mostly witnessed only the aftermath of his lapses in control, he cannot manage to tear his eyes from the recording, even once the depictions of himself and Qubit are long gone from the circle of decayed grass and shriveled trees. It's only a small representation of his capacity for destruction, practically nothing compared to what he did to his home, but the very thought it looked something like this hits him hard all the same, twisting in his gut like a knife.
Most wounding was not the spread of his withering influence, but the reindire's presence in the record. It merely walked into view as a gentle and curious visitor coming to inspect his lifeless body, then laid down beside him, remaining there until only a second or two after Carlisle and Qubit departed. Just as quickly as it arrived, it died, then rose again, and he was none the wiser to any of it until the aberration joined them near the herd.
He shifts in disgust, straightening his back as his eyes flick Qubit's way. How was it he could stand to watch over his dormant body, even knowing what could happen should he draw too close?]
I have many. Most unwelcome, but... hm.
[He tries to swallow the knot in his throat, but upon failing, instead clears his airway with a dry cough.]
Thankfully, if the rate and spread of decay is as predictable as you imply, then perhaps we may better choose where it should happen next to mitigate the danger to any creatures that wander near.
[ Mixed feelings, then? Yeah, that's a mood. It's not every day you get to see what you're capable of from the outside - trust him, he's been there. He is proud of Carlisle for trying to look on the bright side, though. ]
True, if we have to use this method again.
[ He's not so sure it'll be necessary. But for now, he breezes right past that, moving the camera to an overhead perspective to emphasize the shape of the decay zone. ]
Look at that. It's not just predictable, it's virtually uniform. Almost no variance at all, even when a living creature wandered in. There was no intentionality to it, none of the targeting behavior we've seen in past, uh - [ he glances to Carlisle, and his voice loses a bit of its enthusiasm ] - excursions.
[ Belatedly, it has occurred to him that that might be kind of an insensitive way of phrasing it! Especially to Carlisle, the person they're talking about, who is standing right here. Self-conscious, Qubit clears his throat. ]
... That is to say, worst case, we now know the tea works.
[Well, at least Qubit seems encouraged by the recording. Carlisle, however, returns his gaze to the projected image, trying to not dwell for too long on those aforementioned excursions, as Qubit put it. The way he's able to control the decay to the point of weaponizing it against those who would threaten him — it's how a Revenant would behave, lashing out at those around them. He has to remind himself that he's not a monster... for now.]
What other methods would you propose, if not this?
[ Why, he's glad you asked! Qubit holds up an index finger and nods acknowledgement - he'll get to that in a sec, but he's building up to it. ]
It's hard to see from the video, but if we take a look at the charts -
[ Clickety click - he summons an assortment of scatter plots to the screen, all with colorful lines of best fit or filled-in areas or what-have-you. To the untrained eye they're just a dizzying array of dots and squiggles, but apparently they make perfect sense to him. He embiggens one in particular, which has on it a mostly smooth curve, except for a large spike partway down the line, which he points out with (somewhat) restrained enthusiasm. ]
There was actually a second drop in the expansion rate here, just under 34 hours in. But this one's different. The first one looks more like a pressure equalization gradient, but this - it's more of a gradual tapering off, followed by a ramp-up -
[ He zooms in and overlays a second graph, highlighting a segment where the curve dips down, flattens out, then increases. ]
- but in between, for 26 and a half minutes, the expansion rate drops to near zero.
[Yep, that sure is a dizzying array of dots and squiggles. Carlisle gets the gist of what Qubit is saying from his explanation, even if the graph before him would be nigh indecipherable otherwise.]
So... I was more dormant than usual during that time? But why? What would—
[His eyes flick to the side of the graphs on the screen, to where the display behind said graphs still shows the spot where the holographic depictions of himself and the reindire were before they wandered off at the end of the recording.]
The deer.
[He instinctively reached into the living things around him to keep him stable when he was healing Kieran, his magic draining the trees and fresh corpses so he wouldn't lose what little of himself he had left. Why wouldn't it do the same to a curious animal that wandered into his resting place? He has no doubt it would have done the same to Qubit, had it been him.]
[ Taking that as his cue, Qubit nods, minimizing the graphs. And indeed, as the footage shows, that timestamp corresponds to the moment the deer wandered into the circle of blackened grass. ]
I'm not sure what drew it over, the rest of the herd was well clear. For a second I thought it might try taking a bite out of you.
[ Not shown: Qubit low-key flipping his shit, booking it to the farmhouse, sprinting back with a rifle, shouldering the gun and lining up his sights - then pausing and lowering it, perplexed.
It does show what he observed beyond the sights: the creature swaying, stumbling, and finally lying down, in that awkward, gangly manner of any beast that spends most of its life on its feet. In hindsight, maybe Qubit feels a little bad for the deer, but at the time, he was too relieved to think about that. It could have been worse - you know reindire are omnivores, ever seen the chompers on those things? ]
Seems likely it was just lost, though. That doesn't look like compelled behavior to me. Consistent with what we've observed so far. Now, take a look at this.
[ At this point, he switches the display to a vibrant false-color mode - the reindire's still in reds, oranges, and yellows (gradually dimming), whereas Carlisle's body shows up blue, purple, and black. ]
[As the deer on the display goes from red to yellow, then to a dull brown, and finally to the same purples and blacks of Carlisle's own digitized frame, the real Carlisle grimaces. He's seen plenty of death before him, certainly, but the approach being more technological does little to mitigate how it makes him feel. Despite it being an accident, Carlisle cannot help the pang of guilt that runs through him.
His eyes flick Qubit's way.]
I cannot say I like where this is going, Mister Qubit.
[ Qubit raises a hand again, urging patience. ] No, no, hear me out.
[ He rewinds the footage to the deer's arrival and plays through it again, accelerated, taking note of several more details. Whatever they're calling this process, he can see three distinct phases within it - to unconsciousness, then to death, then after. Instability in body heat, followed by slow decline, and finally rapid decline. That's worth digging into, later, but for now the overall trend is what he wants to emphasize. ]
See how quickly its temperature drops here? We can estimate how much energy you absorbed by measuring how much the environment lost - and this one deer lost more energy in an hour than the entire area lost in a day.
[ If he sounds weirdly excited about all this, that's because he is. He faces Carlisle, grinning eagerly. ]
It means I ought be drawing my energies from the animals rather than the environment. That would be the most efficient way to go about it.
[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
[Carlisle's hand curls into a fist, taking some of the fabric of his sleeve with it.]
It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
[Despite his discomforting dilemma and their conflicting views, Carlisle is feeling just well enough to out a single chuckle, one that betrays the minute smile that crosses him beneath his mask.]
If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
superposition) wrote2019-09-06 02:00 am
no subject
His eyes flick from Qubit to the glyph -- he'll save his additional thoughts on how dead he's been all along for a moment.]
Of course.
[He assumes this is some part of Qubit's observations, as he'd be keen to do something similar were he not the one whose energy had just been renewed. He barely gets a finger on the activation point for the glyph before it lights up, his gloves doing absolutely nothing at all to deter the transfer. His fingers curl back to his hand once the glyph finishes illuminating, the water steaming.]
I didn't even feel that. [Not that he ever feels anything, but his point stands.] It seems I have energy in abundance, for now.
no subject
[ Qubit seems less surprised by this result than Carlisle did, and he nods, pleased. ]
Good! That's good.
[ He picks up his tea and heads over to take a seat on the daybed. But literally the instant he sits down, a chime goes off in the lab, and he stands right back up. ]
Ah! Perfect timing, the data's ready.
no subject
But Carlisle worries all the same. It's his natural state of being.]
Should I come in there? Or did you want to bring it in here? [Could he? Or was the data on one of those many screens in his lab?]
no subject
[ Qubit stops short and looks back, caught a bit off balance. ]
Oh, uh... either or. I can do either. It'd visualize better on the big screen, I think, but I can bring it in here if you'd rather.
[ Another facet of their relationship that's changed. Earlier, Qubit would have just chosen one or the other himself - maybe for a reason, maybe arbitrarily - and with nearly anyone else, he still would. But with Carlisle... ]
no subject
And so, he follows Qubit into the lab proper, bringing his mug with him. His eyes trail to the screen he passed on the way in.]
Let's hear it out here, then. What good news have you about what you found?
no subject
[ Qubit nods, getting the door for him. ] That's what we're about to find out.
[ He leads the way back out to the lab, tea in hand. The text on the big screen has changed slightly, and now reads: ]
Iteration 1500000 of 1500000
Proceed to review? Y / N
[ He hits Enter and the dialog vanishes, replaced by a solid grey void - but it's only featureless for a second before an assortment of 3D models start rendering in. Terrain, trees, rocks, clumps of grass, a teacup, and in the center of it all a single humanoid figure, seated on the ground, its knees pulled up to its chest - that's Carlisle, of course, and the rest is the grove, all as they appeared at t = 0. Qubit takes a moment to start in on his tea while it loads, but by the time the textures are popping in, he does get around to explaining this whole... whatever. ]
What you see here is a three-dimensional reconstruction of events over the last three days, as modeled by a rudimentary neural net framework I trained on composite sensor readings - [ he waves a hand ] - I'll spare you the technical details. [ the rest of them, anyway. ] The important part is, it'll allow us to review the footage from any angle.
[ He bends and swipes his fingers across a trackball on the desk, rotating the camera for a better view of the Carlisle model. It's not what you'd call "lifelike" (so to speak) - the mesh is a little smoother around the edges than the real thing, and the textures are a little off, creating an effect not unlike - you've seen L.A. Noire, right? It's like if Carlisle were digitized for L.A. Noire, that's about the flavor of uncanny valley we're looking at. Other than that, though, it's a faithful likeness. ]
no subject
Oh, and there's his teacup. And him. Carlisle is not quite as warm on those models, but understands this image is a part of Qubit's observational methods. It's merely a record of what transpired put into visual form, like a painting... sort of. He assumes they'll be seeing the rest of what happened as well, reindire and all — that still leaves him distinctly uncomfortable. It likely always will.
As Qubit rotates the view around the model of Carlisle, the clergyman himself straightens his scarf.]
Do I really look like that?
no subject
Hm? [ Qubit glances back and forth between the image and the real thing once or twice. He can't say it's completely inaccurate, of course, but... ]
Well, it's only a mathematical visualization. I don't think it does you justice.
[ He takes a second to fine-tune a couple of things, apparently unaware how that must have sounded, but then adds - ]
Anyway, this is still before you fell asleep. Obviously you're looking a lot better now.
no subject
[Qubit's comment, however unintentional his flattery may have been, only makes Carlisle fidget more. He adjusts the scarf around his face as though it would help hide his reaction, only to belatedly remember that in his undead state, there's nothing to hide. Still, he does his best to bury that emotion, to hide it just as he hides himself beneath his clothes.]
That your technology could produce such, er... lifelike depictions is still beyond me. Lifelike to the point of discomfort.
[Yes, that was him just
an hour or sodays ago, curled into a ball as he tried to keep himself together, utterly terrified his abilities would lash out at Qubit at any moment. One wrong move, and his friend would be dead... and then a moment longer, likely undead. He steels himself with a breath, wondering if stewing over how Qubit's remark made him feel was preferable to his renewed anxiety. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to stifle that feeling so quickly.]Marvelous as this is, I think I'd prefer to be past this part, if you don't mind.
no subject
[ Qubit notices Carlisle awkwardly fiddling with his clothes, and that makes him start to feel awkward, too. Was it something he said? Or - no, no, it's just Carlisle's usual discomfort with technology, of course. Nothing else going on here!! ]
[ He clears his throat - ] Right, of course. We'll, uh, start with a quick overview. [ - and, quickly technomancing up something like a presentation remote, presses "play." ]
[ The first few seconds play back at actual speed. Carlisle's digital doppelganger arranges his effects, says his prayer, though without audio you can only tell he's speaking by the subtle shifting of his mask. Then he activates his knockout tea and crumples to the ground, insensible. Dead to the world, to coin a phrase.
From here, it'll be new information for him. Qubit offers some commentary for this part, pointing out the boundary of the "kill zone" once or twice. ]
There's the initial burst. You can see, almost twenty-five percent of the total area went just in these first six seconds... after which there's a sharp dropoff. From that point, this zone expanded more or less logarithmically. That is, the rate gradually decreased over time, approaching zero...
[ And indeed, the circle's spread has slowed to a crawl - still perceptible, but only just. With the initial excitement over, the scene becomes one of eerie stillness, so much that it could almost be a static image. Qubit, having seen this once already, decides he'd also prefer to be past it. ]
... Let's speed this along, why don't we.
[ He clicks the remote again, and the recording accelerates into timelapse, condensing the full three days of footage down to roughly three minutes. Qubit rests a hand on his chin as he watches, keeping quiet except to point out the reindire when it wanders into the scene. Other than that, not much happens; the circle grows, the lights dim and brighten, and Carlisle does not move. The recording ends with about a ten-second flurry of activity - Carlisle jolts and stands, Qubit enters the frame, they leave together, a second later the reindire follows them.
Aaaand that's it. The recording stops, leaving them with a still image of the aftermath: a near-perfect circle of blackened foliage close to a hundred feet across, plus a distinct biological stain where the reindire lay. Qubit waits a moment, pondering, before turning his head to gauge Carlisle's reaction. ]
Thoughts? [ He has a few of his own, naturally, but... ]
no subject
Most wounding was not the spread of his withering influence, but the reindire's presence in the record. It merely walked into view as a gentle and curious visitor coming to inspect his lifeless body, then laid down beside him, remaining there until only a second or two after Carlisle and Qubit departed. Just as quickly as it arrived, it died, then rose again, and he was none the wiser to any of it until the aberration joined them near the herd.
He shifts in disgust, straightening his back as his eyes flick Qubit's way. How was it he could stand to watch over his dormant body, even knowing what could happen should he draw too close?]
I have many. Most unwelcome, but... hm.
[He tries to swallow the knot in his throat, but upon failing, instead clears his airway with a dry cough.]
Thankfully, if the rate and spread of decay is as predictable as you imply, then perhaps we may better choose where it should happen next to mitigate the danger to any creatures that wander near.
no subject
[ Mixed feelings, then? Yeah, that's a mood. It's not every day you get to see what you're capable of from the outside - trust him, he's been there. He is proud of Carlisle for trying to look on the bright side, though. ]
True, if we have to use this method again.
[ He's not so sure it'll be necessary. But for now, he breezes right past that, moving the camera to an overhead perspective to emphasize the shape of the decay zone. ]
Look at that. It's not just predictable, it's virtually uniform. Almost no variance at all, even when a living creature wandered in. There was no intentionality to it, none of the targeting behavior we've seen in past, uh - [ he glances to Carlisle, and his voice loses a bit of its enthusiasm ] - excursions.
[ Belatedly, it has occurred to him that that might be kind of an insensitive way of phrasing it! Especially to Carlisle, the person they're talking about, who is standing right here. Self-conscious, Qubit clears his throat. ]
... That is to say, worst case, we now know the tea works.
no subject
What other methods would you propose, if not this?
no subject
[ Why, he's glad you asked! Qubit holds up an index finger and nods acknowledgement - he'll get to that in a sec, but he's building up to it. ]
It's hard to see from the video, but if we take a look at the charts -
[ Clickety click - he summons an assortment of scatter plots to the screen, all with colorful lines of best fit or filled-in areas or what-have-you. To the untrained eye they're just a dizzying array of dots and squiggles, but apparently they make perfect sense to him. He embiggens one in particular, which has on it a mostly smooth curve, except for a large spike partway down the line, which he points out with (somewhat) restrained enthusiasm. ]
There was actually a second drop in the expansion rate here, just under 34 hours in. But this one's different. The first one looks more like a pressure equalization gradient, but this - it's more of a gradual tapering off, followed by a ramp-up -
[ He zooms in and overlays a second graph, highlighting a segment where the curve dips down, flattens out, then increases. ]
- but in between, for 26 and a half minutes, the expansion rate drops to near zero.
no subject
So... I was more dormant than usual during that time? But why? What would—
[His eyes flick to the side of the graphs on the screen, to where the display behind said graphs still shows the spot where the holographic depictions of himself and the reindire were before they wandered off at the end of the recording.]
The deer.
[He instinctively reached into the living things around him to keep him stable when he was healing Kieran, his magic draining the trees and fresh corpses so he wouldn't lose what little of himself he had left. Why wouldn't it do the same to a curious animal that wandered into his resting place? He has no doubt it would have done the same to Qubit, had it been him.]
no subject
[ Taking that as his cue, Qubit nods, minimizing the graphs. And indeed, as the footage shows, that timestamp corresponds to the moment the deer wandered into the circle of blackened grass. ]
I'm not sure what drew it over, the rest of the herd was well clear. For a second I thought it might try taking a bite out of you.
[ Not shown: Qubit low-key flipping his shit, booking it to the farmhouse, sprinting back with a rifle, shouldering the gun and lining up his sights - then pausing and lowering it, perplexed.
It does show what he observed beyond the sights: the creature swaying, stumbling, and finally lying down, in that awkward, gangly manner of any beast that spends most of its life on its feet. In hindsight, maybe Qubit feels a little bad for the deer, but at the time, he was too relieved to think about that. It could have been worse - you know reindire are omnivores, ever seen the chompers on those things? ]
Seems likely it was just lost, though. That doesn't look like compelled behavior to me. Consistent with what we've observed so far. Now, take a look at this.
[ At this point, he switches the display to a vibrant false-color mode - the reindire's still in reds, oranges, and yellows (gradually dimming), whereas Carlisle's body shows up blue, purple, and black. ]
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His eyes flick Qubit's way.]
I cannot say I like where this is going, Mister Qubit.
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[ Qubit raises a hand again, urging patience. ] No, no, hear me out.
[ He rewinds the footage to the deer's arrival and plays through it again, accelerated, taking note of several more details. Whatever they're calling this process, he can see three distinct phases within it - to unconsciousness, then to death, then after. Instability in body heat, followed by slow decline, and finally rapid decline. That's worth digging into, later, but for now the overall trend is what he wants to emphasize. ]
See how quickly its temperature drops here? We can estimate how much energy you absorbed by measuring how much the environment lost - and this one deer lost more energy in an hour than the entire area lost in a day.
[ If he sounds weirdly excited about all this, that's because he is. He faces Carlisle, grinning eagerly. ]
Carlisle, do you know what this means?
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[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
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[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
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[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
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Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
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It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
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[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
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If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
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