It means I ought be drawing my energies from the animals rather than the environment. That would be the most efficient way to go about it.
[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
[Carlisle's hand curls into a fist, taking some of the fabric of his sleeve with it.]
It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
[Despite his discomforting dilemma and their conflicting views, Carlisle is feeling just well enough to out a single chuckle, one that betrays the minute smile that crosses him beneath his mask.]
If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
[ Qubit meets his eyes again, surprised but visibly hopeful. It's a good point - both options are going to be unpleasant for Carlisle, in their own way, so taking the lesser of two evils is only logical...
[He says that jokingly. He's joking, right? He's not sure if he's joking or not, frankly.]
Of course, I do expect us to keep searching for a way to fully mitigate what harm I may cause, no matter the reason for it. Perhaps that will come in time, but... this is perhaps a step in the right direction, I must admit.
[ If only for you. It's a joke, Qubit knows, but he still finds it touching. Obviously he'd prefer if Carlisle were doing it for his own sake, but they'll get there eventually, he's sure. In the meantime, if Qubit's feelings are the motivation he needs to take better care of himself...
He smiles, the warmth of it echoing the warmth in his chest. I think I can live with that. ]
My thoughts exactly. [ He clasps Carlisle's shoulder. ] If nothing else, think how much more you'll be able to do, now that you're firing on all cylinders. All the things you wanted to do, but never had the energy to.
[Carlisle reciprocates Qubit's smile; it is utterly infectious. He gives the hand on his shoulder a grateful pat.]
I cannot think of anything I so desperately wanted to accomplish at the moment, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. Until then, let us hope Kabal does not realize what we have accomplished, as I'm sure he'd have... ideas.
[ Aw, Carlisle, why'd you mention Kabal? Way to kill the moment. Qubit scoffs and rolls his eyes, taking his hand back so he can wave it dismissively. ]
So? Let him have whatever ideas he wants. He can't force you to go along with them, especially not now.
[That remark actually gets a wry grin out of Carlisle.]
Yes, unfortunately. I believe he's felt it before — by accident, of course, a slip on one of our...[he makes a vague gesture with his hand, trying to conjure a word from thin air] ...excursions.
[Is it bad he can't recall immediately which one? Or that they've had enough of said excursions that they get a bit mixed up? His memory is usually impeccable, but he was under a lot of stress when with Kabal, so he can't entirely fault himself.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
superposition) wrote2019-09-06 02:00 am
no subject
[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
no subject
[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
no subject
[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
no subject
Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
no subject
It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
no subject
[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
no subject
If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
no subject
[ Qubit meets his eyes again, surprised but visibly hopeful. It's a good point - both options are going to be unpleasant for Carlisle, in their own way, so taking the lesser of two evils is only logical...
... well, perhaps not only. ]
Does that mean you'll consider it?
no subject
[He says that jokingly. He's joking, right? He's not sure if he's joking or not, frankly.]
Of course, I do expect us to keep searching for a way to fully mitigate what harm I may cause, no matter the reason for it. Perhaps that will come in time, but... this is perhaps a step in the right direction, I must admit.
no subject
[ If only for you. It's a joke, Qubit knows, but he still finds it touching. Obviously he'd prefer if Carlisle were doing it for his own sake, but they'll get there eventually, he's sure. In the meantime, if Qubit's feelings are the motivation he needs to take better care of himself...
He smiles, the warmth of it echoing the warmth in his chest. I think I can live with that. ]
My thoughts exactly. [ He clasps Carlisle's shoulder. ] If nothing else, think how much more you'll be able to do, now that you're firing on all cylinders. All the things you wanted to do, but never had the energy to.
no subject
I cannot think of anything I so desperately wanted to accomplish at the moment, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. Until then, let us hope Kabal does not realize what we have accomplished, as I'm sure he'd have... ideas.
no subject
[ Aw, Carlisle, why'd you mention Kabal? Way to kill the moment. Qubit scoffs and rolls his eyes, taking his hand back so he can wave it dismissively. ]
So? Let him have whatever ideas he wants. He can't force you to go along with them, especially not now.
no subject
[Something about his weapons and superhuman speed makes Carlisle very cooperative.]
no subject
[ With a knowing look - ] So can you.
[ It is literally one of your superpowers, Carlisle. ]
no subject
Yes, unfortunately. I believe he's felt it before — by accident, of course, a slip on one of our...[he makes a vague gesture with his hand, trying to conjure a word from thin air] ...excursions.
[Is it bad he can't recall immediately which one? Or that they've had enough of said excursions that they get a bit mixed up? His memory is usually impeccable, but he was under a lot of stress when with Kabal, so he can't entirely fault himself.]