[ Mixed feelings, then? Yeah, that's a mood. It's not every day you get to see what you're capable of from the outside - trust him, he's been there. He is proud of Carlisle for trying to look on the bright side, though. ]
True, if we have to use this method again.
[ He's not so sure it'll be necessary. But for now, he breezes right past that, moving the camera to an overhead perspective to emphasize the shape of the decay zone. ]
Look at that. It's not just predictable, it's virtually uniform. Almost no variance at all, even when a living creature wandered in. There was no intentionality to it, none of the targeting behavior we've seen in past, uh - [ he glances to Carlisle, and his voice loses a bit of its enthusiasm ] - excursions.
[ Belatedly, it has occurred to him that that might be kind of an insensitive way of phrasing it! Especially to Carlisle, the person they're talking about, who is standing right here. Self-conscious, Qubit clears his throat. ]
... That is to say, worst case, we now know the tea works.
[Well, at least Qubit seems encouraged by the recording. Carlisle, however, returns his gaze to the projected image, trying to not dwell for too long on those aforementioned excursions, as Qubit put it. The way he's able to control the decay to the point of weaponizing it against those who would threaten him — it's how a Revenant would behave, lashing out at those around them. He has to remind himself that he's not a monster... for now.]
What other methods would you propose, if not this?
[ Why, he's glad you asked! Qubit holds up an index finger and nods acknowledgement - he'll get to that in a sec, but he's building up to it. ]
It's hard to see from the video, but if we take a look at the charts -
[ Clickety click - he summons an assortment of scatter plots to the screen, all with colorful lines of best fit or filled-in areas or what-have-you. To the untrained eye they're just a dizzying array of dots and squiggles, but apparently they make perfect sense to him. He embiggens one in particular, which has on it a mostly smooth curve, except for a large spike partway down the line, which he points out with (somewhat) restrained enthusiasm. ]
There was actually a second drop in the expansion rate here, just under 34 hours in. But this one's different. The first one looks more like a pressure equalization gradient, but this - it's more of a gradual tapering off, followed by a ramp-up -
[ He zooms in and overlays a second graph, highlighting a segment where the curve dips down, flattens out, then increases. ]
- but in between, for 26 and a half minutes, the expansion rate drops to near zero.
[Yep, that sure is a dizzying array of dots and squiggles. Carlisle gets the gist of what Qubit is saying from his explanation, even if the graph before him would be nigh indecipherable otherwise.]
So... I was more dormant than usual during that time? But why? What would—
[His eyes flick to the side of the graphs on the screen, to where the display behind said graphs still shows the spot where the holographic depictions of himself and the reindire were before they wandered off at the end of the recording.]
The deer.
[He instinctively reached into the living things around him to keep him stable when he was healing Kieran, his magic draining the trees and fresh corpses so he wouldn't lose what little of himself he had left. Why wouldn't it do the same to a curious animal that wandered into his resting place? He has no doubt it would have done the same to Qubit, had it been him.]
[ Taking that as his cue, Qubit nods, minimizing the graphs. And indeed, as the footage shows, that timestamp corresponds to the moment the deer wandered into the circle of blackened grass. ]
I'm not sure what drew it over, the rest of the herd was well clear. For a second I thought it might try taking a bite out of you.
[ Not shown: Qubit low-key flipping his shit, booking it to the farmhouse, sprinting back with a rifle, shouldering the gun and lining up his sights - then pausing and lowering it, perplexed.
It does show what he observed beyond the sights: the creature swaying, stumbling, and finally lying down, in that awkward, gangly manner of any beast that spends most of its life on its feet. In hindsight, maybe Qubit feels a little bad for the deer, but at the time, he was too relieved to think about that. It could have been worse - you know reindire are omnivores, ever seen the chompers on those things? ]
Seems likely it was just lost, though. That doesn't look like compelled behavior to me. Consistent with what we've observed so far. Now, take a look at this.
[ At this point, he switches the display to a vibrant false-color mode - the reindire's still in reds, oranges, and yellows (gradually dimming), whereas Carlisle's body shows up blue, purple, and black. ]
[As the deer on the display goes from red to yellow, then to a dull brown, and finally to the same purples and blacks of Carlisle's own digitized frame, the real Carlisle grimaces. He's seen plenty of death before him, certainly, but the approach being more technological does little to mitigate how it makes him feel. Despite it being an accident, Carlisle cannot help the pang of guilt that runs through him.
His eyes flick Qubit's way.]
I cannot say I like where this is going, Mister Qubit.
[ Qubit raises a hand again, urging patience. ] No, no, hear me out.
[ He rewinds the footage to the deer's arrival and plays through it again, accelerated, taking note of several more details. Whatever they're calling this process, he can see three distinct phases within it - to unconsciousness, then to death, then after. Instability in body heat, followed by slow decline, and finally rapid decline. That's worth digging into, later, but for now the overall trend is what he wants to emphasize. ]
See how quickly its temperature drops here? We can estimate how much energy you absorbed by measuring how much the environment lost - and this one deer lost more energy in an hour than the entire area lost in a day.
[ If he sounds weirdly excited about all this, that's because he is. He faces Carlisle, grinning eagerly. ]
It means I ought be drawing my energies from the animals rather than the environment. That would be the most efficient way to go about it.
[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
[Carlisle's hand curls into a fist, taking some of the fabric of his sleeve with it.]
It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
[Despite his discomforting dilemma and their conflicting views, Carlisle is feeling just well enough to out a single chuckle, one that betrays the minute smile that crosses him beneath his mask.]
If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
[ Qubit meets his eyes again, surprised but visibly hopeful. It's a good point - both options are going to be unpleasant for Carlisle, in their own way, so taking the lesser of two evils is only logical...
[He says that jokingly. He's joking, right? He's not sure if he's joking or not, frankly.]
Of course, I do expect us to keep searching for a way to fully mitigate what harm I may cause, no matter the reason for it. Perhaps that will come in time, but... this is perhaps a step in the right direction, I must admit.
[ If only for you. It's a joke, Qubit knows, but he still finds it touching. Obviously he'd prefer if Carlisle were doing it for his own sake, but they'll get there eventually, he's sure. In the meantime, if Qubit's feelings are the motivation he needs to take better care of himself...
He smiles, the warmth of it echoing the warmth in his chest. I think I can live with that. ]
My thoughts exactly. [ He clasps Carlisle's shoulder. ] If nothing else, think how much more you'll be able to do, now that you're firing on all cylinders. All the things you wanted to do, but never had the energy to.
[Carlisle reciprocates Qubit's smile; it is utterly infectious. He gives the hand on his shoulder a grateful pat.]
I cannot think of anything I so desperately wanted to accomplish at the moment, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. Until then, let us hope Kabal does not realize what we have accomplished, as I'm sure he'd have... ideas.
[ Aw, Carlisle, why'd you mention Kabal? Way to kill the moment. Qubit scoffs and rolls his eyes, taking his hand back so he can wave it dismissively. ]
So? Let him have whatever ideas he wants. He can't force you to go along with them, especially not now.
[That remark actually gets a wry grin out of Carlisle.]
Yes, unfortunately. I believe he's felt it before — by accident, of course, a slip on one of our...[he makes a vague gesture with his hand, trying to conjure a word from thin air] ...excursions.
[Is it bad he can't recall immediately which one? Or that they've had enough of said excursions that they get a bit mixed up? His memory is usually impeccable, but he was under a lot of stress when with Kabal, so he can't entirely fault himself.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
superposition) wrote2019-09-06 02:00 am
no subject
[ Mixed feelings, then? Yeah, that's a mood. It's not every day you get to see what you're capable of from the outside - trust him, he's been there. He is proud of Carlisle for trying to look on the bright side, though. ]
True, if we have to use this method again.
[ He's not so sure it'll be necessary. But for now, he breezes right past that, moving the camera to an overhead perspective to emphasize the shape of the decay zone. ]
Look at that. It's not just predictable, it's virtually uniform. Almost no variance at all, even when a living creature wandered in. There was no intentionality to it, none of the targeting behavior we've seen in past, uh - [ he glances to Carlisle, and his voice loses a bit of its enthusiasm ] - excursions.
[ Belatedly, it has occurred to him that that might be kind of an insensitive way of phrasing it! Especially to Carlisle, the person they're talking about, who is standing right here. Self-conscious, Qubit clears his throat. ]
... That is to say, worst case, we now know the tea works.
no subject
What other methods would you propose, if not this?
no subject
[ Why, he's glad you asked! Qubit holds up an index finger and nods acknowledgement - he'll get to that in a sec, but he's building up to it. ]
It's hard to see from the video, but if we take a look at the charts -
[ Clickety click - he summons an assortment of scatter plots to the screen, all with colorful lines of best fit or filled-in areas or what-have-you. To the untrained eye they're just a dizzying array of dots and squiggles, but apparently they make perfect sense to him. He embiggens one in particular, which has on it a mostly smooth curve, except for a large spike partway down the line, which he points out with (somewhat) restrained enthusiasm. ]
There was actually a second drop in the expansion rate here, just under 34 hours in. But this one's different. The first one looks more like a pressure equalization gradient, but this - it's more of a gradual tapering off, followed by a ramp-up -
[ He zooms in and overlays a second graph, highlighting a segment where the curve dips down, flattens out, then increases. ]
- but in between, for 26 and a half minutes, the expansion rate drops to near zero.
no subject
So... I was more dormant than usual during that time? But why? What would—
[His eyes flick to the side of the graphs on the screen, to where the display behind said graphs still shows the spot where the holographic depictions of himself and the reindire were before they wandered off at the end of the recording.]
The deer.
[He instinctively reached into the living things around him to keep him stable when he was healing Kieran, his magic draining the trees and fresh corpses so he wouldn't lose what little of himself he had left. Why wouldn't it do the same to a curious animal that wandered into his resting place? He has no doubt it would have done the same to Qubit, had it been him.]
no subject
[ Taking that as his cue, Qubit nods, minimizing the graphs. And indeed, as the footage shows, that timestamp corresponds to the moment the deer wandered into the circle of blackened grass. ]
I'm not sure what drew it over, the rest of the herd was well clear. For a second I thought it might try taking a bite out of you.
[ Not shown: Qubit low-key flipping his shit, booking it to the farmhouse, sprinting back with a rifle, shouldering the gun and lining up his sights - then pausing and lowering it, perplexed.
It does show what he observed beyond the sights: the creature swaying, stumbling, and finally lying down, in that awkward, gangly manner of any beast that spends most of its life on its feet. In hindsight, maybe Qubit feels a little bad for the deer, but at the time, he was too relieved to think about that. It could have been worse - you know reindire are omnivores, ever seen the chompers on those things? ]
Seems likely it was just lost, though. That doesn't look like compelled behavior to me. Consistent with what we've observed so far. Now, take a look at this.
[ At this point, he switches the display to a vibrant false-color mode - the reindire's still in reds, oranges, and yellows (gradually dimming), whereas Carlisle's body shows up blue, purple, and black. ]
no subject
His eyes flick Qubit's way.]
I cannot say I like where this is going, Mister Qubit.
no subject
[ Qubit raises a hand again, urging patience. ] No, no, hear me out.
[ He rewinds the footage to the deer's arrival and plays through it again, accelerated, taking note of several more details. Whatever they're calling this process, he can see three distinct phases within it - to unconsciousness, then to death, then after. Instability in body heat, followed by slow decline, and finally rapid decline. That's worth digging into, later, but for now the overall trend is what he wants to emphasize. ]
See how quickly its temperature drops here? We can estimate how much energy you absorbed by measuring how much the environment lost - and this one deer lost more energy in an hour than the entire area lost in a day.
[ If he sounds weirdly excited about all this, that's because he is. He faces Carlisle, grinning eagerly. ]
Carlisle, do you know what this means?
no subject
[He doesn't seem thrilled by this conclusion; despite how well he's feeling physically, it's an emotionally taxing prospect. It's one thing to drain the life out of the grass and trees, but another to cause a breathing, sentient being to suffer an untimely demise.]
no subject
[ Yes! That's it exactly! - he wants to exclaim, but he stops himself short, trying to dial it back a little. Obviously Carlisle's not as enthused about this as he is, which is what Qubit anticipated - frankly, it'd be weirder if he was. ]
In other words, we've finally figured out what you eat.
no subject
[He picks at his sleeve; he's being pedantic because he's uncomfortable, and he knows it. Were this anyone else — maybe even himself, were he not an aberration — he'd have been fine with the description, maybe even played along, given how marvelous his undead frame feels at the moment. Unfortunately, he is an undead, and he doesn't like thinking about living things — not animals, and not, by extension, people — as food for a being that should not be.]
I know what you're going to suggest.
[The excitement emanating from Qubit is hard to miss; Carlisle is just waiting for him to say it aloud.]
no subject
Is it really that outlandish? It may not be "eating" in the traditional sense, but you are breaking down organic matter and converting it into energy your body can use... the textbook definition of "digestion."
[ He moves forward half a step, palms up, eyes entreating. It's not the aggressive bluster of someone convinced he knows best, but a quiet, earnest request to a dear friend. ]
All I'm suggesting is that you stop starving yourself. That's not unreasonable, is it?
no subject
It goes against my very morals.
[As does choosing to exist at all as an undead abomination — Carlisle knows it, Qubit knows it, anyone who has talked to the clergyman about the undead for more than five minutes likely knows it. He despises the undead with all of his being, as does his goddess.
However, as his eyes meet Qubit's imploring gaze, he finds his stubborn determination faltering, halted by the concern it stirs in him. With as calm as his energies are, his head clearer than it has been since his awakening, he can feel the emotion pooling in his chest and gut as though it were a tangible thing; he puts a hand to his heart idly, his hesitation written across his face, woven into his brow.]
This- this is a conversation we have had before, I know, but...
[He and Qubit keep each other focused, give one another the purpose and encouragement needed to stave off their own demons. How far is he willing to bend for a single man?
And why does the thought of doing otherwise make his long-stilled heart ache?]
no subject
[ Qubit pauses, but then nods, understanding. ] I know. [ He sighs. ] I know.
[ That's the sticking point, always has been. To Carlisle, acknowledging his own physical needs - and by extension his right to exist - is tantamount to accepting what he's become. But accepting the existence of any undead feels like a betrayal of his convictions, his religion - his goddess. ]
... Well, that puts us at a bit of an impasse, doesn't it. [ Folds his arms. ] I don't like telling you to go against your morals, but... it goes against mine to watch you suffer when you don't have to.
no subject
If I suffer either way, the pragmatic choice is the one where I spare yours.
[His tone says he's teasing, albeit in his usual, glum way; perhaps he just wants to see how Qubit would react to the thought of his own needs being put first.]
no subject
[ Qubit meets his eyes again, surprised but visibly hopeful. It's a good point - both options are going to be unpleasant for Carlisle, in their own way, so taking the lesser of two evils is only logical...
... well, perhaps not only. ]
Does that mean you'll consider it?
no subject
[He says that jokingly. He's joking, right? He's not sure if he's joking or not, frankly.]
Of course, I do expect us to keep searching for a way to fully mitigate what harm I may cause, no matter the reason for it. Perhaps that will come in time, but... this is perhaps a step in the right direction, I must admit.
no subject
[ If only for you. It's a joke, Qubit knows, but he still finds it touching. Obviously he'd prefer if Carlisle were doing it for his own sake, but they'll get there eventually, he's sure. In the meantime, if Qubit's feelings are the motivation he needs to take better care of himself...
He smiles, the warmth of it echoing the warmth in his chest. I think I can live with that. ]
My thoughts exactly. [ He clasps Carlisle's shoulder. ] If nothing else, think how much more you'll be able to do, now that you're firing on all cylinders. All the things you wanted to do, but never had the energy to.
no subject
I cannot think of anything I so desperately wanted to accomplish at the moment, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. Until then, let us hope Kabal does not realize what we have accomplished, as I'm sure he'd have... ideas.
no subject
[ Aw, Carlisle, why'd you mention Kabal? Way to kill the moment. Qubit scoffs and rolls his eyes, taking his hand back so he can wave it dismissively. ]
So? Let him have whatever ideas he wants. He can't force you to go along with them, especially not now.
no subject
[Something about his weapons and superhuman speed makes Carlisle very cooperative.]
no subject
[ With a knowing look - ] So can you.
[ It is literally one of your superpowers, Carlisle. ]
no subject
Yes, unfortunately. I believe he's felt it before — by accident, of course, a slip on one of our...[he makes a vague gesture with his hand, trying to conjure a word from thin air] ...excursions.
[Is it bad he can't recall immediately which one? Or that they've had enough of said excursions that they get a bit mixed up? His memory is usually impeccable, but he was under a lot of stress when with Kabal, so he can't entirely fault himself.]