[Carlisle's apparently not done, his voice croaking its way out of him once again, his shaking hands more animated as he tries to gesticulate his overwhelming anxiety.]
I don't like this, and I don't like you being here for this. [His tone sounds harsh as it comes out, grating in his throat in a way he finds distinctly uncomfortable.] I know that- I know I ought not do this on my own, and I trust no one else with this endeavor, but I don't— I don't...
[He shakes his head, unable to figure out exactly what he's trying to say. It must be his nerves drowning out rational thought, he assumes — or worse, his mind failing him as a precursor of the worst case scenario. Qubit is right: he's utterly terrified, and he's not sure any outcome of the day's experiment will grant him solace. If it works, it means he'll have to do this again and again, draining the life out of the plants of Anchor periodically in the hopes he doesn't turn on the people. It's necromancy, abhorrent and repugnant and absolutely vile in the eyes of his goddess, further proof of his monstrous nature. He is a creature, not a man; he cannot forget that.
And if it doesn't work, well... they'll have more catastrophic problems to deal with. Correction: Qubit will have to deal with them, as Carlisle expects he will no longer exist in any capacity. He shifts in his spot, feeling the physical distance between them, and in that moment, Qubit might as well be across the colony. At least he'd be safer there.
He sighs one more time.]
Forgive me. I am unwell. I know this is for the best, but I cannot help but feel we are making a mistake.
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I don't like this, and I don't like you being here for this. [His tone sounds harsh as it comes out, grating in his throat in a way he finds distinctly uncomfortable.] I know that- I know I ought not do this on my own, and I trust no one else with this endeavor, but I don't— I don't...
[He shakes his head, unable to figure out exactly what he's trying to say. It must be his nerves drowning out rational thought, he assumes — or worse, his mind failing him as a precursor of the worst case scenario. Qubit is right: he's utterly terrified, and he's not sure any outcome of the day's experiment will grant him solace. If it works, it means he'll have to do this again and again, draining the life out of the plants of Anchor periodically in the hopes he doesn't turn on the people. It's necromancy, abhorrent and repugnant and absolutely vile in the eyes of his goddess, further proof of his monstrous nature. He is a creature, not a man; he cannot forget that.
And if it doesn't work, well... they'll have more catastrophic problems to deal with. Correction: Qubit will have to deal with them, as Carlisle expects he will no longer exist in any capacity. He shifts in his spot, feeling the physical distance between them, and in that moment, Qubit might as well be across the colony. At least he'd be safer there.
He sighs one more time.]
Forgive me. I am unwell. I know this is for the best, but I cannot help but feel we are making a mistake.